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Effective Tools for Communicating With Others

Published on Wednesday January 23th, 2019

Here are some tools and tips that can transform your life, and ease communication problems with others, in a very short time and with great efficiency.

Why do so many conflicts break out between people and within couples? Can we develop more effective communication, and if so, how?

Very often the discomfort in a discussion is established because the two interlocutors do not know how to express themselves clearly. Here are some rules and advices that, with the help of Heaven, can significantly transform the quality of the exchanges and solve the communication problems that distance us from our partners, all in a minimum of time and with a maximum of efficiency.

We communicate primarily through speech. Words allow us to express ourselves, formulate our emotions and reveal our personality. But in order to succeed with this form of communication, we must be vigilant about how we formulate our words. The following sentence explains most of the communication problems: "If you insist on saying everything you want to say, the way you want to say it, to whom you want to say it and when you want to say it, so get ready to hear ... what you do not want to hear, how you do not want to hear it, from those you do not want to hear, and when you do not want to hear to it! "

Many communication problems are caused by the "technical" aspect of the conversation. It is important to remember that when we speak with someone, it is crucial to check if it is the right time, if he is willing to have a conversation, or if he is in a hurry, hungry, tired or otherwise. Most situations of tension or impatience can be avoided if one pays attention to these points.

Here are some essential axioms in communication:

- If you shout, we'll hear you.

- If you speak, we'll listen to you.

- If you smile, we'll love you.

One of the most effective methods of communication is called the 'I MESSAGE', that is, "I transmit". It is based on the following principle: "I am the central element of the message", that when an individual wants to convey an idea or (mainly) a criticism, he must know how to express his frustrations instead of complaining to his interlocutor.

Let us illustrate this with examples:

Instead of criticizing by saying, "You do not care about me", rather say, "I feel devalued."

Instead of blaming the other for his lack of clarity by saying: "Stop confusing me," say for example: "I didn't quite understand the idea."

Instead of complaining: "you have made me wait half an hour", it is much more useful to say: "I've been waiting here for half an hour and I do not understand what is happening ".

When this method is used, the positive results are mainly at two levels. On the one hand, the listener does not hide behind an emotional barrier, because the things said are not directed against him. On the other hand, the communication passes well, which allows identification and connection to the message transmitted.

In situations of dispute or disagreement, people exhaust their physical and emotional strengths and waste the valuable time they could devote to resolving discord. Studies have shown that, in general, couples spend 90% of their time analyzing their problems, and only 10% of the time trying to solve them.

And researchers propose a very simple solution: reverse the equation, that is to say spend 90% of the time looking for solutions and 10% of the time analyzing the problem!

This brings us back to the well-known phrase of Nachmanides in his famous letter: "Get used to always talking calmly and pleasantly." Shouting shocks the interlocutor and makes him angry! External gestures and actions affect one's personality, if one speaks calmly, a person gives himself the fundamental means of self-control. Our first Sages, the Rishonim, said, "The hearts of men go according to their actions."

To speak loudly, to shout, is always a dead end. Talking calmly, beautifully, without shouting: this is the secret of communication. When a person is able to formulate a critic adequately and without raising his voice, his message will be much more effective. Try it! It works every time!

Get used to following these highly effective tips so that they become second nature, and you will optimize your communication with others, and of course with your other half...

The Torah-Box Team - © Torah-Box

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