Contact us
Couple

Couple

Couple: Vexation and... Reconciliation

Published on Monday August 26th, 2019

"Why didn't you answer the phone? I called a dozen times. You must have seen my number appear on the screen. You couldn't answer me just for a moment?"

"I was talking to my friend Rivka. It has been ages since we last spoke to each other. I desperately wanted to talk to her, to have an amiable conversation. I am only a human being! "

"And you didn't have a second to hear what I wanted to tell you? "

"I was embarrassed to interrupt my friend when she finally called me."

"You made me feel that I did not matter to you, that your friend comes before me..."

"You know that for me, no one in the world is more important than you and, if you thought so, I apologize."

" Ok, I forgive you. "
He examined the fork and found greasy crumbs between its teeth.

"I think the fork is not very clean," he said to his wife gently. I will take another one."

Since then, she only put disposable cutlery on the table.

"You got upset because I found a little crumb in the fork? It was not you I was targeting, but the fork."

"The crumb that you found made me feel that all my work at home was inefficient and that I do not know how to clean properly. It really offended me!'' She said, looking up at him with wet eyes.

He suddenly remembered that she had told him in the past that showing her empathy was a big help to her. He then changed his tone: "Indeed, it was very offensive," he said, shaking his head, "you were right to feel offended, it's perfectly legitimate. And I understand you perfectly. Not only did I make a remark about the cleanliness of the fork, but I did not praise you for the meal! These were the long-awaited words; she began to calm down.

Men

When a husband is offended, he usually wants an apology, that he be asked for forgiveness, and that his honor should be returned to him. He is then easily reconciled.

Women

When a woman is offended, she feels it is important to understand and identify with her. If her husband does not value her feelings, they will intensify, grow, and she will become increasingly insulted. If he says to her: ''You have been hurt and you must feel terribly offended," she will calm down. In general, women are more difficult to reconcile.

Solution

If your husband feels insulted, apologize to him, acknowledge your mistake, and give him back his dignity. Know that your excuses do not humiliate you. They will only strengthen the bond between you and your husband and strengthen you inwardly.

Remember that your inner victory, and all your efforts and dedication will bring you closer to yourself, to your husband and to your Creator.

If he has offended you, explain to him that you need his understanding and that it is important for you that he listen to you and that he realize that insults hurt you.

But do not be dependent solely on the empathy that he shows you. You have enough inner strength to come out of this kind of situation and to emerge safe and sound. You will be surprised to discover how much strength and power is implanted within you and that you are able to face and overcome the petty feelings and rise above them. You have the strength not to take at face value all the words that are addressed to you and, over the years, you will become stronger.

Learn to control yourself and to protect your self-esteem. Do not let your husband lose face by begging you to forgive him. When it becomes easy for you to forgive, you will improve the quality of your home. Adversity will not be found in your house, but rather kindness and mercy that will inspire you every day of your life.

When the offense is serious, find the right opportunity to discuss it with your husband. Take care not to let your anger explode. Another recommendation: look at the future and do not dwell too long on the past.

Rebbetzin Esther TOLEDANO

Torah-Box.net Account

To access the entire Torah-Box.net website, sign up for free in less than a minute.

Weekly Parsha

Bereshit

Candle Lighting Candle Lighting - New York

Friday October 25th, 2019 at 17:43 *
Shabbat ends at 18:42 *
change my location
* Times given as an indication, check the times of your community

Upcoming Holiday

Scroll to top