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Men Contain Their Emotions and Women Don’t!

Published on Sunday August 4th, 2019

The door suddenly opened and Chana rushed inside. She was livid, her face was all pale. “What’s going on?” asked her frightened husband.  “I have just seen Rachel with her children in the garden”. “So?” He was very puzzled and could not understand the reason behind such great emotion.

Chana started shaking. “I can’t contain my emotions”, she said in a more enthusiastic voice. “She is Rachel, the lady who has been hospitalised for so long! We have all prayed for her full recovery; I thought she would never completely recover! And now, she is right there, looking perfectly healthy! Baruch Hashem! I couldn’t hold back my excitement…”

Right in the middle of supper, when he was about to have another spoon of soup, he suddenly remembered an interesting news: “Jeremy, my chavrusa, came back from London yesterday” .

His wife was astonished by her husband’s calm when reporting such a news. She carefully looked at him as he was having one more spoon.

“Jeremy? The one who unexpectedly left town?, to make sure she had properly understood, he has returned!

“Yes”, he said while continuing to eat peacefully. I wished him: “Baruch Aba” and we resumed learning as we did previously.

The meal she had prepared was delicious. She had obviously worked very hard to prepare it! The schnitzels were crispy and well fried. The rice was perfectly seasoned. He was no longer feeling starved. What a blessing to own such a lovely corner of paradise! To have someone who carefully thought about his needs and taking perfect care of him by preparing such lovely meals…if that wasn’t the case, how would he ever have been able to get on with all of his responsibilities?

He, however, kept his thoughts for himself while reading the papers, hoping she would read his mind…he didn’t have the strength to talk that night.

She, however, couldn’t bear the silence anymore.

Was the food not good enough? She asked feeling very distressed. Why are you sitting silently as if you were eating the last meal before Tisha B’Av?” She was not being cynical but simply wanted recognition for all her efforts. “If only you knew how hard I worked to make those schnitzels so crispy and have them ready exactly as you love them. The whole building trembled! How much effort I put in to get that exquisitely seasoned the rice. I have hoped this meal would satisfy your needs and give you strength. Now, your frightening silence makes me worried my prayers haven’t yet been answered”.

 

He suddenly put the papers aside. The news was not so interesting after all.

“I was actually thinking about how lucky and blessed I was, to be so cherished and loved. I can feel all your love and prayers in tonight’s dinner”.

“What a shame your thoughts don’t talk” she said feeling a little bit better.

Men

Men generally tend to have a more difficult time sharing their emotions. Not because they are insensible, but they simply have a different way of expressing their feelings. Researches have shown men are more affected by heart diseases as they don’t exteriorise their feelings enough.

The heart is not a warehouse and its stocking capabilities are rather limited!

Women

Women, on the other hand, usually express their feelings and are perfectly capable to describe them, even a few times with the same eagerness. They don’t keep them for themselves. They tend to cry and laugh easily. Every experience causes women to have intense emotions.

Solution

It’s important to understand your husband may not react in the same way as you do. Once trust will truly be established in the relationship, your husband will have the desire and even manage to share his feelings with you.

Try to explain how crucial it is for you to understand how he feels. Even if he expresses himself only with a few words, consider it as a form of expression. Sometimes, a kind behaviour or a small gift will be used to show you how much he appreciates all your dedication.

When he shares his feelings, regarding certain matters, it can sometimes feel like a weakness. Listen carefully, don’t show any form of disdain; this could have very negative consequences. Scorning will only result in his isolation. Don’t break down his arduous efforts. Those efforts contribute to the amelioration of his middot and will ultimately result in a better mutual understanding. The sharing of one’s feelings is a brilliant tool to reinforce relationships. Nothing is forbidding you from telling your husband, with a soft voice, how much you enjoy when he shares his feelings with you.

Learn to speak the same language and don’t be offended by the way your husband shares his feelings.

Rebbetzin Esther TOLEDANO

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