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Shidduch - Rav Steinman and Rav Kanievsky Shared the Same Insight

Published on Monday March 23th, 2020

The homes of prominent Torah scholars, Rabbi Aharon Leib Steinman z”l and Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky, were and are still stormed by visitors every day of the week. Their doors are always wide open to all who turn to them for advice and blessings.

Every day, a long queue of visitors wait on the stairs of their apartment buildings. Young men, unable to find a match, sick children, and businessmen. Their eyes look up to the Giants of our generation, who weigh their advice with infallible precision. The wisdom and truth of the words of Torah emanating from their lips, leave no room for error.

This week, we demonstrate the accuracy of their discernment through an extraordinary anecdote. It is meant to show us the dedication of these Sages and their exceptional foresight...

A number of religious educators visited Rav Chaim Kanievsky this week to request his advice on a sensitive question.

A yeshiva student of marriageable age was engaged to a girl from a good family. But they had been told (by a “reliable” source) that the young man was a fake. On the outside, he looked like a studious Torah scholar, attending a reputable yeshiva, yet, his inner life was incongruent with his physical aspect and outward behavior.  

"The young man has totally abandoned the straight path, although outwardly, he has not changed at all," said the people to Rabbi Chaim. Thus, they asked the sensitive question: should they report this gossip to his fiance, an excellent girl, or not?

Rabbi Chaim pondered on the question for a few minutes. He told them they must keep silent because, even if these calumnies reached the girl's ears, she would not believe them.

After some more reflection, Rabbi Chaim said that since the matter was critical and concerned the foundation of a Jewish home, it was important to check out whether the young man was God-fearing and observed the Torah and the Mitzvot. But, on the other hand, they ought to be careful not to "break a Shidduch" without a valuable reason. Thus, he advised them to go to Rav Steinman for a second opinion.

The group went to Rav Steinmann and exposed the dilemma. To their amazement, Rav Steinman responded exactly as Rav Kanievsky: it is impossible to verify whether the information is accurate, so "Shev ve-al ta'assei", sit down and do nothing and do not mention anything to the girl.”

They then realized that the Rabbis had good reason to justify their disbelief. In fact, these educators found that an enemy of the family had spread false information in order to ruin their son’s life. He was, in fact, a God-fearing Ben Torah and a brilliant student.

After verifying the information, the educators drew a moral lesson regarding the responsibility of the Sages of Israel for each question addressed to them, as well as of their intelligence and their infallible foresight.

The Torah-Box Team - © Torah-Box

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