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3 Steps to Attaining Free Love

Published on Monday September 20th, 2021

Rebbetzin Kolodetsky follows the path of her mother Rebbetzin Batsheva Kanievsky, of blessed memory, caring for thousands of women spiritually, morally and physically.

This is one of her messages for women to attain the so-called Ahavat Chinam (free love of one's neighbor). She recommends printing it and reading it once a day.

1. Every Jew is a Part of Me

Hashem only gave us the Torah when we were united, as it is written "as one man, with one heart". Why? Because a Jew alone cannot fulfill all the Mitzvot in the Torah.

Since in every Jew there is a part of his friend's Torah, we are associated with the merits of our neighbor and thus also responsible for the bad actions of the other. "Every Jew is responsible for his neighbor", we are all part of one great soul. If every Jew is a part of me, I will behave towards him as I behave to myself. Meaning:

- In the same way that I do not like being hated, I will not hate the other.

- I do not lay any charges against myself, so I will never allow myself to accuse my neighbor.

- In the same way that I do not say Lashon Hara about myself, so I will not denigrate my neighbor.

- In the same way that I always forgive myself when I stumble, I must be indulgent with others.

2. How to Behave towards people who "Stumble"?

When we are confronted with a person who does not behave according to our criteria, whether in Tznius, behavior or speech, always remember that he and I are one! Therefore:

- You will feel pain and not aggression.

- You will murmur a fervent prayer and not a scathing reprimand, in thought like in speech.

You will defend him, ("His evil inclination conquered him just this time, and tomorrow he will triumph over his evil inclination.") instead of accusing him ("Wicked person, you are preventing the arrival of Mashiach!).

If we internalize this way of seeing things, Hashem will behave the same way towards us. Remember, Mashiach will only come in a generation which is fully guilty or fully deserving. How can our generation be fully deserving? If one decides to judge others favorably by defining them as worthy, Hashem will judge the people of Israel accordingly. We will become a totally worthy generation.

3. The Reward: A Happy Life

When someone hurts us, remember, it comes from Hashem! This person is only an emissary, "All that Hashem does is for our good". Everything is for the good!

When this way of seeing life becomes part of us, we will no longer be sad, we will no longer feel hatred towards our neighbor, we will no longer hold grudges, we will not take revenge and we will forgive any offense with ease.

The natural consequence will be that we will live happily, without hatred, without jealousy, without bitterness and free love "Ahavat Chinam" will penetrate us with ease. In addition to all this, we will receive three gifts:

- We will grow by becoming better people.

- We will receive a reward according to the work we did to overcome our bad inclination.

- Anyone who makes a mistake, we will forgive him for his mistakes.

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