The following story appeared recently in the Israeli media. A young Israeli decided to embark on a sociological study. He disguised himself as blind person, stationed himself at a street corner, and asked passers-by to give him change of a 20-shekel note, for two 10-shekel coins. The note he held in his hand was in fact a banknote of 200 shekels. The idea was to check if people resisted the temptation and warned him of his mistake, or lied to him by pocketing the 180 shekels. In truth, the idea was not really his, but that of a young American man who disguised himself as blind person and carried out this experiment on the streets in the United States. He asked people to give him change of a $5 bill, when in truth he handed them a $100 bill.

Interesting Results in the United States

In America, more than half of the passers-by took advantage of the "blind" man. They were very nice, put five-dollar coins in his hand and left with the one-hundred-dollar bill. (until the comedian ran after them, and told them that he was not really blind and that they are not very honest...) A man even stole from the so-called blind person the hundred dollars, and he ran away. He did not even give him the 5 dollars.

The Results in Israel Were Totally Different

The "blind" man asked for change for his 200 shekels that he presented as a note of 20 shekels to dozens of people of all ages, of all socio-economic levels. The results were remarkable. Everyone, without exception, told him of his mistake and even helped him. Some even offered him a donation of twenty shekels.

Of course, this story warms our hearts.

However, as moving as it is, this does not prove what the Israeli and the American wanted to prove: the quality of man's honesty. It may have succeeded in proving the good heart of the Israelis in comparison to that of the Americans. It appears that despite all differences of opinion, Jews will always help their fellow believers. Jews are compassionate in nature, from father to son. One of the differences lies in the fact that the inhabitants of Eretz Israel are largely Jews, and the United States is a continent made up of people of diverse origins who have nothing to do with each other.

But compassion, assistance and good heart is one thing, integrity and honesty, is another.

"Jewish Compassion"

Professor Dan Arieli, a specialist in game science, conducted numerous surveys testing human attitudes in a variety of situations, and even wrote a book about it: "Haemet Al Baemet" "The truth about dishonesty", which deals with integrity in the face of deception, and with the various means which man uses to round angles and deviate from the truth.

It should be noted that Arieli's study only looked at non-religious groups, and did not consider parameters of religion or faith, the will to fulfil the divine will, and the idea of reward and divine punishment. For all the other groups, he adopted the version of the economist Gary Beker, holder of the Nobel Prize for the economy. According to him, the tendency to deceive or to commit a dishonest act is considered on the basis of rational considerations: is it worth it or not (and the idea of prohibition or permissible does not enter the thought process).

It turns out that in the absence of religious faith, the theme of lies and truth, deception versus integrity, and dishonesty versus honesty, is linked to two simple constraints: the incentive to deceive / steal/lie (e.g. a large sum of money) versus the punishment.

According to this approach, society has two ways of reducing crime: one is to increase the chances of criminals and crooks being caught, for example by installing more surveillance cameras, more police, etc. The second is to increase the penalties, such as longer prison sentences, heavier fines, and so on.

Arieli conducted experiments in which people had opportunities to cheat and make money dishonestly, for example by answering 20 questions in five minutes, knowing that each question could earn them money but it was possible for them, after answering, to tear up the sheet into pieces and to honestly report the number of questions they answered ... It turned out that people allowed themselves to lie a little ... They did not give 20 answers, but they added five questions at the expense of the house...

From there, Arieli moved on to experiments in shops.

A man asked the salesperson to prepare him a bag of tomatoes, and during that time the man went on to look at other things. He compared this case with that of a customer who asked for tomatoes and then stood to observe the goods that the seller prepared for him.

Indeed, this experiment proved that for the customer who moved away from the goods to busy himself with other things, the salesman sold him second-grade tomatoes, whereas, for those who stayed to monitor the goods, the salesman used the best tomatoes. On the other hand, when a blind man came to buy tomatoes, the salesman gave him the most beautiful tomatoes. The same thing happened with taxi drivers. They added a fee to a tourist thinking that they knew nothing about it, whilst they did not do so for a blind man who they took care not to exploit. The two men were, in fact, undercover agents for the purpose of this experiment. This proves the argument: do not mix goodness and compassion with honesty and integrity. These are two separate topics.

And our Children?

Now, let us look at what is the main subject of this article: how to educate our children to integrity and honesty, to teach them not to lie, not to deceive and of course, to avoid touching what does not belong to them.

A few years ago, a study of this kind was conducted in Israel, but this time it did not involve blind people. Undercover journalists of the most popular newspaper in the country placed five wallets in ten different cities in Israel. In most cities, the wallets were not returned to their owners, although the owner's phone number was there. In some cities, one or two wallets out of five were returned. The only city where four out of five wallets were returned was Bnei Brak (the newspaper's journalist testified that the fifth wallet was found by a foreign worker...)

For the Torah observant population, it is much easier, because the theme that Arieli has absolutely not treated comes into play; that of the divine commandments - "You will not steal", and "You will distance yourself from lying''. It is a constraint related to the conscience as well as the desire to follow the will of G-d, to act with Emunah and to take into account the principle of the reward and punishment.

In reality, we need to sharpen this consciousness in a child from childhood. To evoke the fear of taking an object that does not belong to them, even by mistake, the punishment of returning to reincarnation, and in general, the will to be a Tzaddik, a righteous person, and not a Rasha, a villain.

It is best to refrain from using terms like "lie" and "theft", but rather "deviate from the truth" or "take something that does not belong to you".

The more the child grows up with the inner awareness that this thing is despicable, immoral, and angers the Holy One, the more he will be careful to keep away from lies and deception.

However, some children still allow themselves to take objects that do not belong to them or to deviate from the truth.

Conscience  

There is a way to implant a conscience in one whose conscience is very limited. To do this, one must understand what conscience is.

Conscience is a kind of "internal shame." Man is ashamed of himself, he is embarrassed to commit improper acts. It is not related to being "caught red-handed" or to the punishment that one might incur, but rather the will not be involved in acts of this nature.

When a child shows signs of disregard for his friend's money or for money due to the grocer, it is best to awaken feelings of shame in order to implant in him natural shame (a conscience). One must not shame the child in public, but rather constantly talk to him about the terrible shame engendered by his actions, and that he would be terribly embarrassed if others knew about his behavior. The more the child associates the act of theft with shame, the more likely it is that the feeling of shame will develop in him, even if there is no chance of him being caught.

If we keep coming back to this idea, we will be able to ensure that the child identifies acts such as lying and theft, with a prohibition and a feeling of shame. If this feeling is accompanied by a personal example of caution with other people's money and with the truth, along with high values, fear of Heaven and sin, then we will be able to inculcate to our children to choose good, not only out of compassion and a good heart, but from righteousness that comes from Emunah, faith, and a Jewish conscience.

I once recounted that, as a child, my father used to give me large sums of money from the family gemach and the salary of the employees of the institution he ran, to count. He told me to be careful when counting, knowing that it was other people's money, and it was forbidden for one coin to get lost ... I remember counting tens of thousands of shekels, and being so cautious lest, after 120 years, I will be forced to return to reincarnation. It goes without saying that the idea of ​​taking a single note did not cross my mind once.

In hindsight, my father used a clever way to create awareness of this value, without undermining the child's natural innocence. To associate the love of clean money for most human beings with extreme caution with other people's money.